Completely Worth It

My wife sent me a picture message the other day.

After all of the worry, anxiety, and nervousness, it’s things like this that make me realize it was all completely worth it.

Anxiously Expecting the Worst

Change can be a difficult thing to deal with. I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone that doesn’t feel a little anxious when a big change is coming up in their life. But for an over-sensitized person such as myself change is one of the hardest things in life to deal with.

One of the biggest reasons that change is so hard for me is that I always seem to expect the worst. I’m a worrier, I guess that’s why my friends call me whiskers.

Expecting the worst can really mess with your perception on life. Move anywhere away from your comfort zone and there is an instant feeling of panic that some catastrophe is just around the corner. For example, since the day that my daughter was born I have been so worried about her getting sick. When I sit down and think about it I realize that when she does get sick it will most likely be a cold, maybe a runny nose and a cough for a few days. But in my mind when I think about her getting sick I instantly see her with a 104 degree fever, throwing up, and crying all day and all night. This is my anxious perception of how things are going to be every time she gets sick. I know it’s irrational, but it seems that this is just the way my mind works. Like I said, I’m a worrier.

Anxiety and Becoming a Father

The time has come. The whole reason why I started this blog in the first place is here. I am a daddy.

My little girl was born 3 weeks ago and I have been waiting to post so that I could give an insight into not only my feelings during the birth but for a few weeks following.

In the weeks building up to the birth I began to notice the nervous feelings returning that I hadn’t felt for a few months. I knew this would happen and did what I could to keep calm and ready. This was nothing that I hadn’t felt before and I knew that all would be well.

The birth was much easier for me than I had anticipated. I believe that this is due to the fact that I was in “caregiver” mode. I was so intent on making sure that everything was as comfortable as possible for my wife, that my own feelings never really came in to play. No panic attacks, no fainting after the delivery, just the normal nerves that I think would be expected of anyone in this situation.

3 Weeks To Go

First off, my apologies for the lack of updates on the blog. Summer semester has started and I have been going crazy with all of the work that is required to finish 3 classes in 7 weeks that normally last 16. With that out of the way, let’s move on.

The reason and purpose that made me decide to start this blog in the first place is very quickly approaching. My unborn daughter is now considered “Full Term” and could be born at any time, though her due date is still 3 weeks away.

The past 9 months have been an amazing journey for me. I really feel that I have made a HUGE leap forward with my nervous illness. Don’t get me wrong, I am still scared to death to become a father. But the difference between now and when I first found out that my wife was pregnant is that I know I can get through it and everything will be fine. There is no dread, only fear. Fear I can handle.

I plan to be quite diligent with posting over the next few weeks. I want to be able to express how I feel on a regular basis leading up to the biggest change I’ve ever had in my life.

Today, I feel good. I am excited and ready. Tonight, I’m sure I will feel a little different (If you’ve read any of my other posts, you will know that evenings are my nemesis when it comes to nervous illness).

Stay tuned, hopefully the next few weeks will be entertaining for you.

Living With A Can’t Do Attitude

I am of the opinion that everyone needs to take time to just think. Shut out the world around you, clear your mind of the stresses of the day and just let your mind wander. I believe that this is a great way to find yourself, to find answers to the questions that you have about yourself. Lately, with my busy school and work schedule, I have only been able to find time to do this in the shower. It’s amazing how the feel and sound of the warm water changes the world around you and the world inside your mind.

It was just last night, while in the shower, that I realized that I have been living with a “can’t do” attitude. I was thinking about the fact that I am 8 weeks away from becoming a father, that I am hopefully going to be selling a house and moving during that same time, and that in a year and a half I am planning on moving away from the only city that I have ever lived in for all 26 years of my life. All of these thoughts scare me. And the first thing that seems to inevitably force its way into my mind is this phrase:

“I can’t do it.”

Nervous Illness Updates and Thoughts

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks for me. I would have thought that spring break would be quiet and relaxing, but instead it became the week where everything got finished in preparation to sell our house. With that in mind, I haven’t had much of any time to blog. Now that things have settled down, and our house is on the market, I have a few updates.

21 Day Complaint Free Challenge

I started the challenge to go 21 consecutive days without complaining on March 3. If you have never heard of this challenge you can read more about it here. After a rough couple of weeks I am now on day 9. This has been an eye-opening experience. I never realized how much I complained, especially at work.

This challenge has helped me realize that anxiety, depression, and any other nervous illness are compounded and made worse by complaining. When all I do is worry and complain about how I feel, it never changes the fact that I feel that way. It only makes me feel worse about the situation and, in turn, makes me complain about it more.

I will continue to post updates on this challenge, and will do a full post on my thoughts when I finish it.

Overcoming Anxiety – Setting Goals

The past couple of months have been a great time of internal reflection for me. I feel that the best way to overcome a nervous illness is to know exactly what is happening in my life that triggers my anxiety. I have come to a lot of very simple, yet very profound, realizations. For instance, my anxiety usually only shows up in the evening, around 6:30 to 7:30. This information, along with many other small bits have led me to realize that I need to set goals in my life to overcome my nervous illness.

Goals are amazing things. If we are really serious about accomplishing them, they set our mind on an unwavering course. What better way to remove the worries of anxiety or depression from your day than to push them aside and focus on achieving a goal rather than worrying about how you feel.

Below is list of goals that I have put together and plan to start achieving.

• Read “As A Man Thinketh” on a monthly basis – As you may have read in my previous post, As A Man Thinketh is one of the greatest books ever written. It truly shows us the power that we have over our lives simply by the attitude and the thoughts that we have. If you have never had the chance to read this book, I highly recommend it. It can be read for free on The Gutenberg Project website.
• Exercise at least 3 times per week – A big thank you to reader and friend Erin for reminding me of the need that we all have of exercise. I used to exercise on a very regular basis and now that I am have stopped I realize how much better I felt then.  Our bodies need exercise to not only stay healthy but to release adrenaline which is the main culprit in anxiety and nervous illnesses.

As A Man Thinketh In His Heart

…As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he…

Proverbs 23:7

This wisdom, originally written by King Solomon, has been a great help to me while working my way to recovery from nervous illness.

Admittedly, I never knew that this quote was from the bible until this morning. The first place I ever read it was in one of the greatest books ever written, “As A Man Thinketh” by James Allen. This book is very short, and a very quick read. And it can be read online here for free.

Anticipation Anxiety – Is it fear or excitement?

Let me start things off with 2 simple scenarios:

1. It’s the night before your favorite singer’s concert. Months ago you camped out to be first in line to buy tickets and got front row seats. When you try to go to bed, you are too excited. You can’t get to sleep and your arms and legs feel jittery. You can’t seem to quit thinking about the concert. You feel tense for most of the night and the rest of the next day. You are so excited for the concert you almost can’t stand it. Once the music starts your nerves ease and you spend the rest of the day calm and happy.
2. It’s the night before you have to give a big presentation at work. You are very nervous because this presentation is going to be given to the President and the Board of Directors. When you try to go to bed, you are too nervous. You can’t sleep and your arms and legs feel jittery. You can’t seem to quit thinking about the presentation. You feel tense for most of the night and the rest of the next day. You are so nervous about the presentation you almost can’t stand it. Once the presentation finishes your nerves ease and you spend the rest of the day calm and happy.

How can these 2 scenarios be so very similar, yet feel so completely different? This is something that I have really been struggling with since I found out that my wife was pregnant. In the past I have always been excited or indifferent when it came to big changes. It was only when the change finally happened that the anxiety set in and I had to spend a few days feeling like crap before everything became comfortable again. This time however, I have been anxious off and on since the day that the home pregnancy test came back with a plus sign.

Anxiety Product Review – Hope and Help for your Nerves

This is the last article in my series of anxiety product reviews. I will be focusing mostly on the book “Hope and Help for your Nerves” by Dr. Claire Weekes. But I have also listened to her audio programs and read the book “Agoraphobia”.

Hope and Help for your Nerves
Rating: 5/5
Website: Buy it on Amazon
Cost: $7.99
Creator: Dr. Claire Weekes

After years of searching and far too much money spent, I never would have thought that an $8 book would change my life. But it did. Hope and Help for your Nerves is an absolutely amazing book. I have learned more about my body and why it acts the way it does from this book, than from anything else.

This book will help you understand exactly what is happening when you feel anxious. Once you know what is happening, calming your nerves becomes easier. You don’t have to worry that you are dying, or that you are going crazy.